This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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