Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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