Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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