a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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