please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
