Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
