i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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