i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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