he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
