He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
