I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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