He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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