All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
