She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
