We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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