i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
