Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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