david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize