we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
