Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is wine microwaveable?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
