Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love having hate sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
