meet me or not, i'm out of control
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize