Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
