I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
