are you so shy because you have an std?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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