You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
