Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
