I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
