I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
