I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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