He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
