Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
