Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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