Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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