Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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