he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
