tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
