Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
