Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
