Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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