So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
