You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
