do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
