dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
