Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
