help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
