So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
