I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
