he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
