Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
