OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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