i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
