I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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