Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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