left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
