I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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