And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
