He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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